Car Crashes I Have Known (part three)

March 1989 - I May Be Crazy but At Least I'm Not Blind

Many people complain about their mother-in-laws. Seemed like I must have lucked out because I had one that I really got along with. I liked her so much in fact, that dropping her off every morning didn't seem like a chore at all. I looked forward to our conversations and this particular morning was no exception. In retrospect, if we had had a terrible relationship, I probably would not have been able to speak about the upcoming events.

I had just dropped off the grand lady and waved goodbye as I pulled away from the curb in my sleek golden 1987 Honda Accord. It had the hidden flip-up headlights which reminded me of the Aston Martin car in the James Bond movies. Tres cool.

I took great care to check my blind spot to ensure that that there would be no sudden surprises. Over the past decade I had learned to become a very careful driver. I'd learned my lesson about driving defensively, At the age of thirty-five I'd discovered that the being speed-racer and driving with my ego on my sleeve would probably get me killed.

I had gotten to the point of my fifteen minute return drive where there was a three block stretch of road which had no intersections or turns. This trek had me driving downhill for about halfway there and then coasting uphill to the light the rest of the way. As I started down the slope, I'd given the car a bit of extra gas knowing that inertia would move me along  to the end of the block. In the distance, in the opposing lane, there was this light grey Grand Mercury Marquis which was doing thirty-five down his slope of the hill, the same as me.

As I got to the midpoint, just before the hill would slope upwards, the Marquis begins to turn left in my direction. I knew there was no intersection but I quickly glanced over to my right and saw that there was a driveway. If that was where the guy was headed it didn't make any sense. Couldn't he see that I was in the way! I was in the furthest right lane which would put me next to this driveway that he was headed for. I looked back at him and he was definitely heading for the driver's side of my car and there was no avoiding him.

I began to speed up hoping to pass him and I was able to get my driver's side further forward but other than that it was too late.  I couldn't avoid the accident. The front of his car hit the side of mine.

Miraculously myself and the elderly male driver and his wife were able to walk out of our vehicles. We exchanged information since this occurred in the days before cell phones and I was going to walk up the hill to to the pay phone, call the cops. I had only gotten a few steps away when I finally heard the explanation for our dilemma. I heard the wife angrily but quietly say:

"I told you you should have worn your glasses."

I was stunned but I kept on walking as if I hadn't heard. As bad as it sounds, the old gentleman had driven towards the driveway as if he couldn't see me because he hadn't.

The police arrived soon after I made the call. I quietly mentioned to the officer and then later on, loudly told my insurance representative what I had heard.  On the positive side, it was deemed that I was not a fault. On the other hand, my car was totaled so how great was it to really be in the right. At least I was able to buy a shiny new maroon 1989 Accord. Made me feel a little better, anyway.

To be continued........


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Car Crashes I Have Known (part two)

September 1979 - Second Car

What a beautiful fall day. Not a cloud in the sky. It was about nine in the morning and I was on my was home from work. I was feeling particularly good because I was driving my wife's new 1980 Toyota Corona. Actually, it belonged to both of us but we figured that it was only safer for the wifey to drive the newer car. This meant I got the '74 Corolla which was a bit run down but it was paid for.

When I prepared to go to work the night before, I knew that she didn't have to get up in the morning. As I walked towards the parking spaces where our two cars were parked, I could vaguely hear the Corona calling my name. "Lloyd. Don't you want to take a smooth ride tonight and ride home in style in the morning?" The Corona and I looked over at the sad little white Corolla. I accepted the gold Corona's invitation and proudly held my head high all the way to work.

I know this probably doesn't happen to most guys (yeah, right) but when a man is twenty-six years old and driving a fancy new car, it's difficult not to feel a bit pumped. The sun had climbed halfway up the eastern skies and I was feeling great. I'd been driving legally for the pass year and a half with no problems to speak of. As I drove, the leather of the dark brown steering wheel felt very increasingly comfortable in my hands. I inhaled deeply and that new-car smell filled my lungs with pride. Every man should experience that smell at least once in his life.

Was it my imagination or did that good looking girl just take a second look at me. I had basically noticed her reaction in my peripheral vision but I had to make sure. I quickly turned my head just for a brief second. Yes, she was definitely smiling back and the glance was in my direction. Now that my ego was properly inflated, I returned my eyes to the road ahead and back to my expert driving. It just wouldn't be worth it to get into an accident with this new car. At the top of the hill ahead of me was the last intersection which, after making a left, would lead me into the apartment complex.

As I approached the left turning lane, there was a dark blue vehicle in the opposing left turning lane ahead of me. A more experienced driver would have known to slowly proceed with caution. There might be another car that can't be seen on the other side of that vehicle that was also waiting to make a left. I didn't know to think that far ahead. All I understood was that the car ahead was signaling left and I saw nothing else coming. I began my turn and as my right side passed the blue car, I could now see that there was a red car approaching me at about thirty-five miles an hour. My last thought before he hit the broadside of my car was that he had the right of way. His light was green. OH NO!!! The video speaks for itself.

Except for my left pinkie finger being sore, I was not hurt. Fortunately, the other guy was okay too. As I stood there, learning how to exchange information and patiently waiting for the police, I didn't feel like such an experienced driver anymore.

Finally, I found that the car was drivable but it moved from side to side a bit. I tried not to look at how caved in the passenger area was and how much closer it felt to me. As I pulled into the parking lot, I dreaded facing the wifey. She would not be happy about what happened to her new car. The next calamity would not be a car crash but probably just as bad. Obviously, I had a lot more to learn.

To be continued.......


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Daddy's Little Girl?

My daughter has launched a website:

Kaye Mahogany

Yeah. I think she's talented but judge for yourself. Just click on her name.

Car Crashes I Have Known (part one)

September 1976 - Give me a brake, please. I'm just a guy.

Everyone would think that women are the emotional sex. This might be true, even when it comes to driving but not when compared to men. From the minute a guy sees a car that he likes (and begins to drool), to the moment he presses his foot on the accelerator, it's all about ego and emotions. Statistics show that males between the ages of 16 and 25 are twice as likely to be involved in a traffic accident as compared to their female counterparts. Attribute it to hormonal differences or alcohol consumption, but the numbers are pretty clear.  Since auto-time began, men have been the definite winners (or should I say losers) in this particular contest.

Let me start my story by saying, if you have not properly been trained and licensed, you should not be behind the wheel. By the time I was twenty-two, having a partner who knew how to drive (and I didn't), made me feel like it couldn't be that difficult. Within the coming months, I was forced to change my mind.

Having my now ex-wife teach me how to drive, should have made me very knowledgeable in the ways of the wheel but even with her expert tutor-ledge, I had failed the road test twice. Being the male that I was, I was feeling more and more comfortable while driving and growing steadily impatient. After all, I had been practicing for months and the wealth of knowledge that I had amassed, had made me feel like a real driver. Of course, knowledge does not give you wisdom, which I was about to learn.

Men. Do not do what I am about to tell you if you happen to work on the same job site as your wife. It could cause marital discord.

It was lunchtime and I knew that I wasn't supposed to be in a vehicle without a licensed driver but what could be the harm of a quick spin. Our Volkswagen Bug was eagerly waiting to be driven and was sitting in the adjoining parking lot. I took my before-mentioned amassed knowledge and carefully moved the car out of the parking lot. I drove around the block and was feeling very proud of myself as I saw the approaching fence opening of the lot which I had just drove out of a few minutes prior. I was making the right as I was driving up the curb but there was a car parked just outside the fence parked at an odd angle. Not having the experience to judge the distance of the surrounding parked cars, I wound up sticking my front bumper under the rear bumper of  this big, ugly 1975 Chevy Laguna.

I got out of the Bug to inspect the situation and realized that that I did not know what to do next. Should I reverse my car and take the chance of ripping off his (or my) bumper? As I stood there, I began to sweat bullets. The few people passing did not seem to recognize that there was a dilemma but what if a policeman came by. I had no license and nothing on me to prove that the car was mine.

I bounced on the hood of the VW but the two cars just moved up and down together. I  found it hard to nonchalantly dislodge two cars and now one or two people passing were looking. I tried not to pay attention to them and got back into my car.  As I twice attempted to move backwards, my bug wasn't budging. The Laguna made a loud creaking noise, each time I tried the maneuver. It's like the thing was trying to hold me there, while it mockingly laughed at me. The people that were just walking around me, were now slowing to take a second look.  I said a prayer, hit the clutch, put the stick shift in reverse and the slowly gave it gas.

To my amazement, we dislodged. With what felt like an nerve-wrenching inch at a time, I carefully backed up the Bug, drove into the lot and then placed my car back in the original parking space that was still vacant. I hadn't even thought about how it would be explained to my mate that the car had been moved a few parking spaces if the Bug wasn't in the same spot.

I shakily locked the car and then found my way into the job. As I calmed down, I felt as if no harm had been done and I swore that that something similar would never happen again. What I didn't realize was that as minor as the occurrence was, that had been my first automobile accident. I didn't even know that I was leaving the scene of a crime. Nor did it understand how this event would have interfered with my chances of getting a driver's license. For the first time (in terms of driving anyway), my male ego had led me down the wrong path and it wouldn't be the last. Big ego, Little brains.

To be continued.......


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First Kiss (part two) Hot

November 1969 - Man who speaks too often with his mouth full, probably won't notice when it's time to stop eating.  Dyllon's Law

I was fifteen by the time I experienced my first French kiss. Like my first regular kiss, it was hard to forget. By the time it did happen, I'd kissed a few girls but this one was different. Myself and a friend landed at her house after school and this is what I remember.

The old tan window shade was not doing its job. I squinted as the afternoon sun found a way around the side of the area not covered by the curtain. In the background, probably coming from the bedroom, I could hear Tommy James and the Shondells singing I Think We're Alone Now. Regan returned to the living room and sat next to me on the couch. The small talk we were having before she left to get something to eat from the kitchen, did not seem to be resuming. I felt a little unsettled as if there was some expectation to fulfill but as I smelled the food she had brought in, for some reason, I felt more relaxed. All I could think of was that I wanted to kiss her.

She laid the cup of tea and plate, on the table next to her. After Regan smiled at me, she quickly licked her lips and then looked down. The light from the side table lamp, in combination with the sunlight, caused a golden shine to her seemingly soft skin. This made for a sweet enticement but still, I wasn't sure.

"You certain you don't want something to eat" Regan spoke first.

"No, thanks" I responded. "I'm good for now."

"Suit yourself" she said.

She began by taking small bites of the frank as I started talking about someone at school. Her white teeth showed for a brief moment as she bit into the rolled meat. Regan found me staring at her mouth but I looked away and kept speaking as if I hadn't been. Was she doing that on purpose? Was all that chewing a tease of some kind? I realized that, as usual, I was over thinking the situation. This time alone with her was now becoming comfortable and I felt at home. I decided to stop thinking.

Before she was totally finished what was in her mouth, I took the half-eaten roll from her hand and placed it back on it's plate. As I did this, she did not say a word but I could hear her swallowing. This one quiet sound agreed with me that she not only was in acceptance of my obvious moves but wanted to clear her mouth, just in case. I leaned forward and kissed her softly on the cheek. Her head tilted in the direction of my lips. I guessed this was her silent way of letting me know that we were of like minds. I kissed her cheek a second time and then turned toward her mouth.

We kissed, lightly at first, more like two kids puckering-up but that changed after Regan felt my fingertips firmly squeezing the back of her neck. As I pressed forward, I ran the tip of my tongue gently along the outer edges of her lips. To my shock, not only were Regan's lips parting but her slippery soldier reached forward to meet mine. This was so different from any kiss I had experienced before. Our tongues were having their own personal battle which neither cared to win. It was when I placed my hand on her back and then pulled her closer, that I finally heard Regan moan. For the first time, I opened my eyes a bit only to see that Regan's were shut tight. I closed my eyes and found that I was becoming lost in the sweet nectar that was Regan. In my excitement, I placed my other hand on her rib cage and continued the kiss which was now becoming increasingly torrid.

Unfortunately, what was about to happen next would have to wait because the key to the front door on the other end of the room was turning. She and I sat up in enough time to see her little sister struggle through the doorway with two bags of groceries. Regan jumped up from the couch to help carry them in and I stayed put on the couch. The little sister peered in my direction and gave me a "Why didn't you help" look. I would have gotten up if I could have but I was simply trying to be polite.

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First Kiss (part one)

May 1963 - A simple newspaper could bring so much joy.

When I was ten years old, I had crush on a classmate of mine. To my eyes, Iris was as cute as the day was long. My fantasies ran from us laughing together in class, to us even holding hands while we were walking. None of this blossomed into reality though because I was just too shy. Fear of being rejected was the biggest problem. Coming in as a close second was not knowing how to approach the whole subject of "achieving a girlfriend." It all seemed so easy for my parents. They always seemed so happy. "Where was my second half?" I'd say to myself. As the bell rang and everyone walked out of class, I found that Iris was getting ready to pass close by to me. I drummed up all my courage and dared to smile in her direction. She kept her eyes down and walked right by. Could it be that she didn't notice or maybe she just didn't like me. I watched as her ponytails walked out of the classroom and she never turned around. At first, I was disappointment but soon it didn't matter. I found myself to be totally smitten and there could never be another. Or so I thought.

One Saturday afternoon, my mother took my brother and I to visit a lady that I had never met before. This new friend and my mother sat at the dining table and they proceeded to laugh and run their mouths a mile a minute. In contrast, I sat uncomfortably on the couch between my eleven year old brother, Louis and this mystery girl who had to be the daughter of my mother's friend. M.G. (mystery girl) was sitting close by on my right and of course, I was feeling awkward. The thing that saved me from embarrassment was the three coloring books and giant box of 64 Crayola crayons on the coffee table in front of us. Lou and M.G. were making a natural mess of their pages but this situation was child's play for the artist. As the two of them spent most of their time attempting to choose the right colors, I showed then both how to use a darker color crayon to outline around the lines to add more definition and then how neatly I colored within those new lines.

"That's nice" M.G. said. "How do you do that?"

I proudly gathered my thoughts and prepared to give a smart sounding answer but my more experienced brother was much quicker on the draw.

"Oh, he always colors good" Lou said. That's because he knows how to draw.

"Please draw me something" M.G. begged while she pulled on my right arm.

My ego was thoroughly inflated now. I felt like I had a new fan. In the clear corner of the page, I drew a picture of a little girl holding a pot of pretty flowers. I then quickly added colors that seemed to match. M.G.'s eyes got big as I finished and she grabbed my arm again.

"That is so cute" she said and then she gave me a quick peck on my cheek.

I'm not sure which shade of brown I was turning but it felt like beet red. I nervously glanced over to my mother but she nor her friend seemed to notice what had just happened. My brother did though. He thought the whole thing was hilarious. He kept one eye on the two women who were talking about dress patterns or something and the other on us. He quietly spoke.

"I think she likes you, Lloyd" he chuckled. He then picked up a newspaper that was also laying on the table in front of us. He proceeded to hold up the paper wide so that it blocked the view of the three of us from the parents.

"Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss" my brother kept saying to the both of us.

I turned my head to look at M.G. and to my shock, she pecked me flat on the mouth! I gathered up my courage and decided to pucker my lips. With my brother urging us on, we pecked about six or seven more times. By this time, Lou was cracking up with laughter and trying to hold the newspaper as steady as possible. This caught the attention of my mother.

"What are you boys doing? Stop acting so silly. We're getting ready to leave soon so behave."

Louis put down the newspaper and we all giggled at each other. Five minutes later, the three of us were headed home. As we walked through the cool, fresh air, I had only one thought. "I was in love!" I had had my first kiss and she was truly my girlfriend." This feeling of floating lasted for about two weeks until me and my mother bumped into M.G. and her mother on the street. To my shock, M.G. didn't say a word to me. It was like she didn't even recognize me. As the two mothers said goodbye, I felt crushed. How could my girlfriend treat me like this? Funny how that crushed feeling only lasted for a day. Iris began to look cute again but then again, so did a lot of other girls. Growing up was beginning to be fun.

To be continued......

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Trip to Museum of Natural History

April 1994 - I Want To Hold Your Hand

Being blessed with two wonderful and healthy daughters helped me to appreciate how fragile and precious life is. Being blessed with two daughters that actually listened to what I had to say is where the second miracle started. They were growing up with no problems (well, few anyway) and were always respectful of adults. It was hard to hear stories of how many issues occurred between other parents and their children. Sometimes, a bit of love and understanding can make a world of difference in the child's future. This is my simple story of how I found that to be true.

When my youngest daughter was about six years old, she and I went on a trip to the Museum of Natural History with a few of the classes at her school. Myself and other parents were the extra staff who were watching over the little darlings. The bus ride to the museum was happy and conversational and I felt like the world's greatest dad being able to participate in this part of my child's life. Little did I know that the party would be a bit different than expected.

Soon after we arrived there, we broke up into groups of five kids, a parent and a teacher. In addition to my lovely daughter and three other adorable children, I had been selected to watch over a five-year old boy who had more energy than all the other children combined.

As we walked pass the bull elephants of North America, he made it clear that his curiosity was more important to him than his safety. I was helping my daughter to read the nearby plague when I realized that he was trying to see if the pachyderms were real. I lifted him back over to our side of the guard rail and explained to him why his actions were not appropriate. He looked up at me with a huge grin, shook his head and gave me a big "Okay." It was obvious that he was not taking me seriously. I was glad that he was safe and we walked on.

The well informed teacher in our group recited amazing details about the 94-foot long, 21,000 lb. female blue whale, as we walked underneath. All of the kids were attentively listening, that is, except for Mr. Mischief who thought it would be more entertaining to run around in circles, as he made airplane noises. I found myself chasing him instead of assisting with the other kids. This time, I let him know that ice cream would be waiting for him if he settled down.The thought of it did calm him for a short while but my reminding him soon made little difference.

We made our way up to the second floor, to the South African section.  My attempts to slow him down by holding  his hand, only made him quickly pull away in order to get loose. My smooth talking and bribery were not working. Frustration was rising. I'd hardly said two words to my own daughter. She seemed to be having fun with the other kids but this was not how I had planned to spend the day.

As we grew closer to the assortment of antelopes who seemed to raise their heads as we approached, the devil's spawn announced that he was going back downstairs to see the whale. I was by now fed up and I resorted to a tactic that I never had to use with my kids. I told him that I was going to hold his hand and that he was going to stay with me, like it or not. He laughed as I took his hand but stopped laughing when he realized that I wasn't letting go. For the first five minutes, he squirmed and complained but I would not release my grip. As we continued to walk with group, he slowly calmed.

After a half-hour of peace and quiet, I was feeling stunned but tried not to show it. I even let his hand go as a test and he actually took it back. This shocked the crap out of me but I was happy that my reasoning had worked. Seemed like he just needed someone to do what they said they would, meaning stricter rules, promises being kept and all that. For the rest of the afternoon, he stayed at my side and followed my directions. He turned out to be a nice kid (at least, as long as he was with me, anyway).

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