Love-Loss Hurts Regardless of Age

Why can’t adults understand that heartbreak hurts just as bad at age eight, as it does at age forty-eight?

Let’s start with two thirty-five year olds (Grant and Faye) who have been together for about three years.  Let’s also say that Grant has just dumped Faye.

Faye feels as if her world is crumbling around her.  She can’t eat, she can’t sleep.  Her friend at work attempts to give her counsel but to no avail.  Her level of work is being affected by her depressed mood and she finds herself dragging through her work day  but holding out just enough not to lose her job.  After a few months, Faye finds a way to feel better about herself.   As time passes, the pain is not as bad.

It’s easy to say that after three years, these two must have been in love or at least Faye felt that way.  There certainly must have been promises, if not expectations, of marriage and children in their future.   It’s easy for anyone to understand that the person, who has had their heart broken, feels betrayed.  This and a list of other tragic emotions is real and runs deep through everyone's soul.   

Now let’s take two young people that are thirteen years old (Sam and Karen).  They've been together for about four months.  Karen has decided that she is more interested in a new guy who has started at the school.  She finally gets the courage to tell Sam that she doesn't want to be his girlfriend anymore.

Sam is angry.  When Sam first finds out, his friends have to hold him back so he wouldn't get into a physical fight with this new guy.  After a week, Sam still can’t eat and he can’t sleep.  His best friend tries to invite Sam to a few neighborhood parties and other activities to try to get him to change his mood but Sam prefers to stay in his room and mope.  Sam feels extremely self-conscious about how his friends view the break-up.  Finally, after three weeks, Sam finds a way to feel better about himself.  He has met a girl at softball practice and he thinks that he might be interested in her.  He finds that the pain of losing Karen is not as bad.

Usually, the older  the person is who listens to these stories, the more that person would feel that the teenage boy should “get over it” and get back to being a kid and having fun.  After all, kids have their whole life ahead of them.   What Sam felt could only be described as “puppy love.”  

After dealing with two teenage daughters (not to mention my own youth), I've come to recognize that the hurt that young teenagers feel, is the same as that pain that an older person feels.  A young person feels things from their own perspective.  The thirteen year does not understand the meaning of “You've got your whole life ahead of you” or ”There will be others” because they have not lived it yet.  They only know that this elated feeling of floating on air was real and now it’s been replaced by the depths of sorrow.

I guess everyone can see my original point.  It hurts just as badly no matter what your age.  When you are young, the feelings of loss can be devastating.  Just because you are “more mature,” you think you understand yourself to a greater degree but a broken heart knows no rules.  Have more sympathy for the younger ones that are hurting.  All of our needs are the same and with the help of loving family and friends, we can all make it to the next step.


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Endless Perceptions