The Hernia (part two)

October 1984 - Surviving Embarrassment

I arrived at the doctor's office in pain but with an ever-increasing hope that soon I'd be on the course to feeling better. Little did I know, I'd have to first face some primal embarrassments.

The nurse soon led me to Doctor Urologist's examination room and this is when I saw it. I truly believed that only the female gender used those spread-em-wide stirrups that were connected to the foot of the table. As I changed into a hospital gown, I slowly realized this not to be so. Dr. U instructed me to lie down and put my legs up in the holsters. I understood that this is necessary so that a thorough examination could be performed but I was also pretty sure it was also to convenience the doctor. As he worked, the Doc let me know that there were many different types of hernias and that they could also occur in newborns or the elderly, be they male or female. I zoned out on the details of other kinds of hernia. I just wanted to know what was next in store for me and not a baby (I wonder if the mention of baby hernia was some kind of snide joke on his part, ? Naa. Couldn't be).

After the doctor was finished (thank God), I finally sat in his other office. Dr. U confirmed that I had an inguinal hernia and that a simple surgery would be necessary in order to repair it. Then, with a smile, he said that the bowel that was pushing through the membrane was reducible (or could be pushed back in place). In any case, with surgery it would be required. But if the hernia had been irreducible and can't be pushed back in place, then say a prayer. This could have turned into a medical emergency since the blood supply would have been choked off to that area. The development of dead (gangrenous) bowel is possible in as little as six hours. In other words, there was the possibility that had I waited a much longer time, before getting it taken care of, it might have killed me. That would have made for a bad day, so I agreed to the procedure.

About two days later, I'm sitting in a hospital bed, waiting to see what happens next. I was told by a nurse that I would have to be shaved down there as a precaution against infection. That didn't bother me much until the male nurse entered the room with the foam and blade. Isn't there some kind of rule that a FEMALE nurse is supposed to be handling the equipment? I guess not. At least the guy was professional and after a few uncomfortable minutes, I was now as bald as the day I was born.

After being given some pre-op medication, I was placed on a gurney. Someone wheeled me out of my room and the lights overhead crawled along the ceiling. I was joking with the pretty nurse, hoping that I was making some kind of sense. I was told by Doc U that I would be given gas and to please count backwards from one-hundred. I think I got to ninety-eight. I soon wished that that was all I could remember. As the merry-go-round was spinning,with me on it, I felt what I could only describe as a dull tugging in the surgical area. I moaned a bit, hoping that the volunteer worker that administered the anesthesia understood that I was trying to say "Hey numb-nut, I'm awake. I can feel that!" It seemed that they understood because a needle was soon placed in my IV and suddenly my trip to the circus became happy again.

When I finally woke, I found myself bandaged up. I was curious about the incision but I was pretty sore so I decided not to move much. My hope was that after the surgery, I would be a much happier camper but I did not understand that a brand new pain was on the way.

To be continued.....

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